Remember when you tried to please everyone? Remember how hard it was to say no to people especially those that you really cared about or a group you wanted to be a part of? Remember how you didn’t want to hurt their feelings when they asked a question they probably already knew the answer to?
Well guess what? As we age, it gets easier to say what is on your mind, but most importantly we now have permission to say no and not give a reason why. We can tell the reason for the no answer, but it is not a requirement, it is an option.
This goes for everyone in the family. I know what most of you are thinking–you’re thinking about the grandchildren and babysitting. Although sometimes you do have plans or you just don’t feel like it–it happens no matter how sweet and cute they are. You just want to put your feet up, watch a movie, take a nap in other words you don’t feel like it. So the answer is no.
It could be with your hubby or significant other when they say let’s go to dinner. Do they want to go to (name their favorite place), and you don’t want to eat there, just say no. When he asks where you want to go, give him suggestions that you like.
Since we are of a certain age, most of us learned to type. So at committee meetings especially if we are one of the few females in attendance they always ask if we can take the notes for this meeting. We grudgingly do, and then we have to type them up, and now we have become the recording secretary. Next time they ask you, tell them no you can’t unless of course you like that position. I seem to remember guys in my typing class so why not let them take and type the minutes?
The first few times you say the word no to something you’ve always wanted to say no to will feel a little weird, and it will shock those that you say it to.
Sometimes the word yes can be used to your benefit. How many of us have had this question--“do you mind if I switch the channel”, and we say no. Next time say yes if you are watching something that you like.
When we finally figure out that it’s okay to say no I don’t, or yes I do mind because that’s how we feel then we must do one other thing. We must stop apologizing. It’s just how we feel, no I don’t want to do something and/or yes I do mind.
Think of yourself as a toddler. When you ask them a question, and they say no there is no explanation, no apology just on to the next question. Don’t feel bad, you will again keep the grandchildren, eat at his favorite place and probably take notes at a committee meeting, but you now know that you can stop trying to please everyone.
Start pleasing yourself and learning the art of saying “no” and “yes I do mind”–remember “thisisyourbestyear”.