If It Works For You

Most people have read or heard all of the information on what makes a successful marriage. How to keep a husband/wife happy, the 5 or 10 or 15 steps to a happy marriage. How to fight fair. Men are from wherever and women are from some other place.

On August 4 I celebrated my 40th wedding anniversary. People asked if it felt like 40 years, did the time just fly by and other such nonsense. They also wanted to know how we made it work, was the relationship 50/50, how did having children change the dynamics of the marriage, who was the one with the last word?

There is no magic in having a successful, most of the time happy marriage. I love those people who say that every day it was almost perfect because they married their perfect mate. I personally don’t know who they married because I don’t know two perfect people.

First of all we were parented by different people. That plays a big part in the marriage. Whether we want to admit it or not, we learned from our parents–good or bad, and our parents learned from their parents and so on.

So I thought I would give you some of the myth busters that I have encountered.

  1. Never go to bed mad. Stop it! You still have to go to work because there are bills that must be paid. So go to sleep, sleep on the problem, and for the most part it may solve itself with a nights sleep. In all honesty sometimes when you sleep on something you see the other persons position.
  2. Hide some of “your” money, you never know when you might need it, and make sure you don’t let the spouse know. They know. Put it in an account with your name on it and move on.
  3. Always put your money in a joint account. You can if you want to. You know what has to be paid, and when it should be paid. Some people are not good with money. I have found that a lot of couples have separate accounts and everything works out for them.
  4. Marriage is 50/50–of what? I will leave this one alone.
  5. Marry your best friend. If I married my best friend then who am I going to have to vent my frustrations about him with? My best friend has known me since second grade.
  6. Happy couples never disagree. Who wants to be with someone who thinks exactly like they do?
  7. You should share the same interest and do everything together. We don’t even like the same movies. I’m a happy movie fan, and he’s a kill 15 people in the first five minutes fan. We compromise, well at least I compromise and go with him. He suggest that I go with my best friend to see my type of movies.
  8. You complete each other. If it takes another person to complete you, then you will never be complete. You are your own person. That’s what drew them to you in the first place.
  9. Never sleep in separate beds/bedrooms. My paternal grandparents never slept in the same room, and they were married over 60 years–they seemed very happy. They could see each other from their rooms.  I know some people who sleep in separate rooms because one snores and keeps the other one up. One suggestion is to purchase an adjustable bed–it helps if snoring is a concern.

What makes a successful marriage? I wish I knew. I can tell you that it is always a work in progress. The one thing that is a constant with us is that no matter what, prayers are said before we close our eyes and when we open them in the morning. We truly believe that prayer helps everything. He will never be a cat person, and dogs are growing on me.

Remember “thisisyourbestyear”. If it works for you…….

Marriage–You Pray For Me–I Pray For You

It’s been a bumpy, happy, funny and whatever else kind of road there can be including the long and winding road of a marriage.  There are no magic potions to a happy marriage–basically no two are alike. When people are asked what makes a marriage work there are many different answers. Some people say they married their best friend. They say he’s the Ying to their Yang.  They say they are the pieces to their jigsaw puzzle.  They say they never go to bed angry.  They say a lot of things.  After 36 years I can say we have gone to bed angry.  We had to go to work the next day!  I will tell you though the one thing that we have done each night and each morning for the life of the marriage–we pray for each other.  He prays for me, and I pray for him.  I’ve even prayed on the anniversaries that he has forgotten.  We know that prayer works.

On this anniversary we are still praying because we remember “thisis(our)yourbestyear”.

Black People Do Get/Stay Married

Today, August 4 is our wedding anniversary.  It has been 35 years of fun, tears, laughter, children and now grandchildren kept together by love and faith in God.  My husband and I both come from two parent homes in fact we both had two married sets of grandparents.  I can even remember my married great grandparents on my mother’s side of the family.  Don’t believe the hype–just because it’s in the news does not make it the truth.

 

anniversary

Remember “thisisyourbestyear”–35 years and counting.

Hope Springs and it Does

Hope Springs Review

I have not seen the movie Hope Springs, but I fully intend to go and see it.  I love the fact that it about people who are of a certain age and at a certain stage of life. One of my favorite programs CBS Sunday Morning, and one of my favorite people David Edelstein did a wonderful review which made me want to see if even more.  I do take what David Edelstein says to heart.  He has given me some very good reviews on musical artist that I truly love–Leela James, Eva Cassidy, Melody Gardot just to name a few.

Take a look. The movie stars Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep.

Hope Springs Review

If you are a woman of a certain age, want to understand a  woman on a certain age or know a woman of a certain age, take a look at the review given by David Edelstein.  The part about the anniversary gift made me smile.  My hubby and I just got back from Scottsdale, Arizona where I celebrated our anniversary, and he went on vacation–he forgot–again.  I wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride, and you guessed it–he told me he would be on the ground when I got back–can we say chicken?

I have forgiven him for forgetting, for staying on the ground and I’ve gone on my balloon ride because “thisisyour(my)bestyear”.   

If you see the movie, let us know what you think.